By Dr. Lisa White, Licensed Psychologist, Summit Center
Finding the right school for a twice-exceptional kid can feel like a real puzzle where the pieces keep changing shape. As a licensed psychologist at Summit Center working with Bay Area families, and as a mom who raised 2E twins who went to six different schools K through 12, I tell parents all the time that you are not alone in this.
Twice-exceptional, or 2E, refers to kids who are gifted and also have something else going on, like ADHD, dyslexia, autism, or executive functioning challenges. I like to think of it as a bonus track.
2E kids are known for their asynchronous development. They have skills that are both above and below their age. Their reading might be way above grade level, but their executive functioning might be delayed. A school that is academically challenging enough might lack basic support for working memory, while a school designed for learning differences might not offer the intellectual depth your child craves.
When you are trying to figure out what will actually work, it helps to break school choice down into five essential areas. Here is how to evaluate those five key considerations so you can find what works for your child and your family right now.
#1 Parent’s Choice: What You See for the Big Picture
Parent’s choice comes down to what appeals to you as an adult, like a beautiful campus, engaging teachers, or a great maker space. But be careful with this one. It is easy as a parent to get excited about things that turn out to be less important in the long run for who your child actually is day to day.
As a parent, you are the one who can step back and see the long view. Your perspective carries the most weight, especially in the elementary years, because you can look at the overall culture and evaluate whether a school will hold and catch your child when they are having a hard time.
Practical Tip: Be honest about whether a school’s features appeal to you or to your child. If you get excited about a maker space or a cricket team, ask yourself if that is truly who your child is before making it a central factor in your decision.
#2 Child’s Choice: What Matters Most to Them
Kids care deeply about their school environment, but they often get stuck on details that turn out to be less important in the long run. On a school tour, a child might write off a great school because the carpets were a funny color or they did not like the lunch options. Teenagers might suddenly insist they want to homeschool because they think it means getting more time to play video games!
Listen to your child and validate how they feel. As kids head into high school, their preferences should carry significantly more weight, but for younger children, you still need to be the one steering based on practical reality.
Practical Tip: Give your child a specific job during a school shadow day or tour. Ask them to name five things they liked and three things they did not like. This keeps them actively observing real details instead of getting bogged down in surface-level distractions.
#3 Financial Fit: Planning for Real-World Costs
Every educational option comes with financial considerations, and it goes far beyond whether there is base tuition. You have to look at extra costs like textbooks, technology, lab fees, overnight field trips, and expected family donations. At the same time, you would be surprised how many families qualify for private school financial aid who think they would not, especially in high cost of living areas.
Financial aid is not decided randomly by a school; a third-party company looks at your financials and determines an amount based on clear criteria. Above all, do not spend your retirement savings or bankrupt yourself for a school.
Practical Tip: Do not talk yourself out of applying for financial aid before you try. Most independent schools use a third-party evaluation system with actual rhyme and reason to it, so look into the numbers before ruling out an option.
#4 Daily Logistics: Protecting Your Family’s Routine
Logistics can make or break a school choice. The most amazing school program on paper will quickly become a nightmare if the daily routine leaves your family exhausted. Factor in true drive times, and do not forget to include time in peak traffic. Look at public transportation options, school hours, holiday calendars, and whether there is before care or after care.
You also want to check if the school allows logistical accommodations, like letting your child’s educational therapist come to campus to work with them. For a family with two working parents, the fact that a favorite school is an hour and a half away in traffic may just kill the deal, and that is completely valid.
Practical Tip: Always factor peak traffic into your commute calculations. Driving to a campus on a quiet Sunday afternoon gives you a very different number than driving it during weekday morning traffic.
#5 Academic Style: Finding the Right Balance of Challenge and Support
Academic style is the most complex area of all because 2E kids are often spiky learners with very uneven academic skills across subjects. Public schools offer free, local community and IEP or 504 plans, but getting the flexibility 2E kids need can be laborious. Private schools feature smaller classes and custom options, but they may limit the number of kids with extra needs that they accept.
Look for how a school handles mixed-ability learners, whether they offer single-subject acceleration, and if they explicitly teach executive functioning skills. Rather than relying on a shiny website, look at the actual school culture during unstructured times like recess to see if different types of kids are truly accepted and welcomed.
Practical Tip: For a spiky learner with uneven skills across subjects, look for a school that has both options for acceleration and a strong learning services program
Moving Forward with Confidence
As you look at these five areas, remember that they look different for every family, and there is no such thing as a completely perfect school. I tell parents all the time: do not look at a school hoping to be set for the whole K to 12 experience. Focus on right now, for this year or maybe next year.
If a school is not working, do not hesitate to make a change. A change in environment can make all the difference in the world for a 2E child. Trust your instincts, be completely honest with schools about your child’s needs, and know that it will likely all work out in the end.
If you’re thinking about whether a change in schools is the right option for your child, or you’re looking for the best fit for kindergarten, middle, or high school, Summit Center can help families based in the SF Bay Area. School consultation services can help you to think through school options, decide where to apply, and talk through application strategies. This is the perfect time to begin, as the application season for the 2027-2028 school year has started. To make an appointment, please complete this interest form, email inquiry@summitcenter.us or call (925) 939-7500.
Dr. Lisa White is a licensed psychologist who has worked with gifted and twice-exceptional children for over 15 years. She provides strengths-based, comprehensive psychoeducational and neuropsychological evaluations for children and adolescents, as well as school consultation and other services for parents and teachers. Her clinical interests include the social and emotional development of gifted and twice-exceptional children, gifted girls, dating and relationships among 2e people, and children with learning disabilities and ADHD. To connect with Dr. White, visit Summit Center https://summitcenter.us/
